Bindicanfly’s Weblog

I'm feeling very scared and nervous and upset and depressed right now.  Everything in my life has felt meaningless for three weeks now.  It won't go away like I expected it to.  I often get these feelings and they go away, but this won't leave.  I feel lonely, but I don't want to be around people.  No one interests me.  Even Jalal.  Being with Jalal no longer serves to put meaning back into my life.  At first I thought that I was falling out of love with him.  I don't think so though.  I don't want to leave him.  I don't want to be alone,  I want to be with him.  He makes me laugh and smile, and he makes me want to hug him…but my heart feels deadened.  It never feels the feeling that I used to call love.  When I do hug him or become intimate with him, I fail to feel happy, I fail to feel my heart leap.  I still love Jalal, but the good feeling is gone.  I feel that my life has been reduced to a series of duties and I am growing tired of them all.

I miss my family, but when I see them I just want to leave.  And be alone…what is wrong with me!

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