Bindicanfly’s Weblog

So, I had a really bad experience in French yesterday.  I was stressed out about everything, and I forgot about my presentation until late, so I completed it last minute and I didn’t do very well.  The teacher was mad at me for forgetting to contact him about which current event I would use and he was rude about it, or so I felt.  The rest of the class seems to be stuck up and I don’t think anyone there likes me except for my one friend in the class.  While I presented this bitchy girl was glaring at me the whole time as if to say “you are stupid, who let you into this class?”  Anyways, after that all I could see was her face and the teachers face, which was full of hate and annoyance, there is no patience for me in that class.  After I presented and gave my discussion questions, the class look at me as if I had been speaking the wrong language and so I answered them myself and sat.  Even my friend seemed to be looking at me with disapproval until I sat down.  She said fuck it, and then I started crying.  I just felt so embarrassed, I hate that class anyways, and I didn’t really like the teacher in the first place.  He doesn’t like me because he is one of those teachers who takes it personally if you miss a day or forget an assignment.  I don’t get along with people like that, I always fail them.  Anyways, yesterday, I was so mad about what happened, and embarrassed about how I reacted to the situation, I went to do my homework for the test the next day.  While I was heading the paper and considering starting the actual work I idly wrote in cursive my name, and then, my message “Madelyn hates you…because you are a dick”  I then proceeded with my work, which was completed at about 3:30 AM and I promptly hurried off to bed.  I woke the next day and rushed to class, turned in my paper, only thinking about the test.  Wow.  So, I forgot to erase my rude message, and I think it might be clear that it was directed at him.  He left two bright red exclamation points behind the message as if to say, “you have been caught!”  It’s even worse because he and my friend had a brief time when they would leave notes to each other in Japanese at the tops of the assignments she turned in.  He probably knows that I knew about those notes, he probably thinks I was leaving a note for him.  Damn.  I am so stupid.  I thought about it at the time, I was like I shouldn’t write this on my homework, but it’s like I wanted to leave it there.  Whatever.  I’m embarrassed, but I guess I said what I never would have had the guts to say otherwise.  I don’t know how it could really affect me unless he took off more points from my grade for things like participation.  But I don’t think he would do that.  Anyways, there is no way to really prove that I was talking about him.  I guess it isn’t a big deal.  I do have to meet with him in private though, and it might be awkward as he doesn’t seem afraid to approach people awkwardly (i.e. the Japanese notes).  Man, it just really puts a damper on my day though.  How embarrassing.  And I was the last to finish my test too!  God.  Anyways, school is almost over and I haven’t been sleeping enough, haven’t been eating well, I will probably have gained ten pounds next time I weigh myself.  God, I hope not.  Anyways this summer I will lose weight, and never again will I eat dorm food.