Ouch
Wow. I had a shitty weekend. Jalal and I fought everyday and I have such dark feelings about this summer and about our relationship in general. I just never thought he was capable of betraying me like that. He totally screwed me over. And in the end I gave him everything he asked for.
Anyways, it’s funny how our relationship has shifted. I had all the power at one point, and I had been living under the impression that I still has some power, if not all the power anymore. It’s pretty silly how I thought he was different. I had such stupid pride in our relationship, “we never fight, we’re best friends, we will last forever” I can’t believe I thought we weren’t like everybody else. And the sad thing is that I just don’t have the energy or willpower to do what I should do now. Whatever. I’m tired of thinking about it and tired of being mad, but I think that I have to be thinking about it, since I’m supposed to move in with him next weekend. I just want to give up and be a child again. I really don’t even get joy out of being with him lately. Just afraid to leave him and be more alone than I feel all the time.
Anyways I have a week long job lined up, and I’m going to live with him for that, and of course by then I will have forgiven him, so probably nothing will result from this, besides a huge shaking of the faith I had in us a few days ago. I told him we should take a break, and he says that’s ridiculous and fucked up and tried to call me but I’m ignoring his calls. I just need to spend at least this week away from him. We’ll see what happens, but for now I’m too tired to think about it anymore. I need to do homework and go to bed.
